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10-13-2005
I'm all rested from my recent vacation. I relaxed on the beach, watched the sky at night and thought about many things.
I'm slowly getting back into writing and am wondering how to implement the knowledge I have acquired.
Here is part 27.5 of a story called "The Skull" which was posted in the Sethnet Journal October issue. It does not really have 27.5 parts yet but I have written 5 parts out of sequence because that is how it comes to me. You do not have to read the other parts before reading this one. I like this part especially because it is a bit wild. Most of this story comes from dreams that I have had.
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I see a river in my mind. Gray and shining, it flows in a channel that has no banks. I feel that the river is ATI and it contains all that is. Somewhere in the center is a part of the flow that is colored blue and it flows as a river within a river. It is ATIM, all that is me. My reality flows from the future and disappears into the past, downriver. At the very center, it is like a dark blue rope and that is the part that I am concerned with right now: It contains the dream and all other versions of the dream.
Upriver and Downriver = Future and Past. Left, Right, Up and Down = Variations in Probabilities. This picture of reality remains in my mind as I experience the dream.
The professor talks about conducting the experiment again using Debbie as the subject. We remember how well she did the first time; that experiment is almost legendary. In some parts of reality, it may actually be legendary.
Debbie does not want to do it again. The memories cause her to feel great fear for her sanity. The professor tries to persuade her and when she turns away he pushes an injector against her arm and sends the drug into her bloodstream. She gasps and looks at him in disbelief but the drug is quick and she sags into his arms. He lowers her onto the table and brings the sensors out. Some sensors he connects to her temple, others on her neck. One hangs about an inch in front of her eyes.
Debbie groans and the monitor comes alive with flowing patterns, twisting and melting. I see a face or an object sometimes in the patterns. As the effect of the drug levels off, the scene on the monitor stabilizes. It now shows more normal images of places, normal in that they are recognizable until they flow and become different images. But they are not places that I have ever seen.
The Professor is excited. He says "Look at that! This is better than the first time. I'm guessing that we are looking at actual other planes of existence! Look at that sky color there, that's not blue."
The scene changes and he exclaims again, "Tell me you've ever seen a beast like that!"
The beast he refers to looks like a very skinny cow and it is pulling a wagon that is loaded with branches and sticks.
I say, "Professor, this is wrong. You did this against her will."
He says, "No, no, it'll be ok, she'll agree that it was worth it. Look at what we're seeing. This is incredible! The new software is much better at decoding and the sensors are less intrusive. Because of that, I was able to use a smaller dose of the drug and the side effects won't be as bad this time. Just wait, you'll see."
I say, "No, it's still not right. I don't care what you….."
Debbie says, "Thank you for that, Dob."
The Professor and I turn to look at her. She sits up on the table and starts to remove the sensors. The scene on the monitor shifts and all that can be seen are two eyes looking out into the room. The eyes are unusual; the irises are deep blue with white stars in them and the pupils are coal black with golden specks. I have a bad feeling.
Debbie removes the sensors from in front of her eyes and I see that they are the eyes on the monitor. She says, "Professor, I told you this was a bad idea and that I didn't want to do it. You have violated me. Now you're going to see more than you want."
She slides down from the table and stands before us. Debbie seems more relaxed than I have ever seen her, yet I can feel a power coming from her. Her voice resonates within my body as she says, "Look at your monitor now, William. Keep your eyes on it and I will show you the universe." With energy barely restrained, she rests a hand on his shoulder and turns him toward the screen. She smiles at me and with her other hand she presses the injector against his arm and gives him a dose of the drug. She says, "Oops, sorry, that was an accident!"
The Professor looks at her, eyes wide. He clutches his arm, saying, "No… what have you done? You know that I haven't been tested for compatibility! This could…be…" He slumps and Debbie guides him so that he rests on the floor against the wall.
The she turns to me and fixes me with her eyes, so deep. I feel as if I am looking at a goddess; not a goddess of beauty necessarily but a goddess of knowledge and power. She slowly moves towards me and she says, "Dobson, do you trust me?"
I can only whisper, "Of course."
She whispers back, "Good" and then she injects me with the drug. I feel very tired and then I fall into her eyes…
I slowly return to consciousness and find that I am walking along a sidewalk and Debbie is walking beside me. She is talking, "And so you wake up in a dream. Pretty strange, huh? Even more strange, this is not your dream. A different you is dreaming and we are here in his dream. I believe that this scene has some significance for him; can you feel it? Start to speak and he will tell us about it."
I open my mouth to say that I don't know how but I sense an open door in my mind. I recognize my other self and I feel afraid and sad at the same time. He/I says, "Debbie! I hoped I'd find you. Where did you go? Why did you leave me? You would not believe what it's like here without you."
Debbie says, "I'm not really the person you think I am, Dobbie. The person you knew is just another part of me and she had to leave. Dobbie and Debbie, you were too much alike. You would have ended up disliking her because you don't like yourself."
I say, "No! That's not true! You are best person I have ever known. I know that we were meant to be together. You have to find me again!"
She says, "You will know that I am right. You have chosen this life for your own reasons and you will benefit from all of this." Softly, "And I can tell you this: she will be waiting for you in another place, someday. If you love her, then become the best you that you can become and be true to yourself. Goodbye."
She touches my arm and the door is closed. I say, "That was strange. What a sad person, was that me?"
Debbie raises her eyes to the gray sky and spins around, arms outstretched. She laughs and the sky is blue now. She points at me and says, "That was you and not you and he is me and I am more than her. Is that what you'd like to believe? You were him but now are not. I was her and now am a lot more. The Integrator Drug has opened all of the doors in her mind and she is aware of all that she can possibly be aware of without blowing fuses in her brain. Laugh with me! It's all so great and funny too when you realize that YOU DON'T HAVE TO FEAR…anything. You're too damn serious, you know?
"You are walking with Debbie but you are talking with her greater self. We can be and we ARE anything we want to be. We live different lives, and here, at least, we wall ourselves off from our greater selves and all of the other selves too. Many, many little selves all connected but unaware of the connections except when we dream. Glorious dreams in the unending, known but unknown, colorful dream world. You know what I mean, don't you? You do."
She does not let me respond, "The drug works better on her because this is the second time she has used it and I think it had better be the last time because if she uses it again, she will not want to be a mere human anymore. It was too strong for her this time and in desperation she called on me to help her and so here I am.
I ask, "Where is the Professor?"
Debbie, or DEBBIE says, "Oh yes, that butthole. He thought he was so clever and that he was taking advantage of Debbie. He doesn't know that we are never used; we create our own reality. I dropped him off in Count Rydeen's House. He will have a bad trip there, don't you think?" She laughs again, "Don't worry; I arranged with his greater self to have him rescued. He will be educated, but not in the same way that I am educating you. His greater self will teach him a few things about respect for others.
"And now it is time for us to part for a while. You have kept the vision of the river in your mind this entire time, have you not? It is a dark line representing this line of probability, surrounded by the blue cord of related probabilities, within the lighter blue rope of all realms that you are involved in, at the center of the river of ATI. Think on that for a while; you will not forget the image. And…I will leave you with a gift…another river."
Another river: We follow the trail as it enters the woods. It's wintertime or early spring but there is only a little bit of snow in patches. Where the trail crosses the river, there are stepping stones and then the trail continues on the other side.
It's more like a creek; it's about 5 feet wide and maybe a foot or two deep. The water seems to flow clear and strong, too strong for such a small stream. I sense an inner strength in the current. I say to Daria, "This is THE river! I remember; it's been so long. I can't believe it! How did I ever forget about this?"
It seems like it has been many years since I last saw this river. The water is clear and alive. I know that it will be sweet tasting and that drinking it will give me new life. And yet, it is more than just a physical river. I feel reunited with the power I had in my youth when the world was young and fresh. I kneel and drink from the river of life/time/power and the memories of many dreams dance on the edges of my mind.
7-28-2005
I've been working on dream recall. Here's a good one that I recall from 7-14-2005:
I was talking with a person who lived in my neighborhood, an elderly lady. During the conversation, I was pointing out places where she might put up a swing which lead to a general discussion of the surrounding landscape. Off in the distance was a wooded area and we wandered towards it.
At some point she changed into another woman who was not so old. As we walked, she pointed out a few statues and mentioned some bits of info about them.
Soon, we ended up on the outskirts of a city. There was a bridge crossing a river. She asked me a ‘name this person’ question and after a moment the name “Philodorus” popped into my head. When I told her, she seemed pleased and then she told me the story of Philodorus.
He and his men, 20 of them, had been captured by the enemy and Philodorus was forced to fight the enemy’s leader. If he lost, all of them would be blinded and have their hands cut off. Philodorus fought the leader and his men joined the battle against the enemy and they won.
It’s possible that there was a statue of Philodorus and that it had prompted the conversation about him.
After the piece about Philodorus, I saw walls in the city turn from a brick red color to a whitewashed appearance. Christian symbols appeared on the walls. The word EOS also appeared on the walls several times. The letters had a Greek appearance, (Epsilon, Omicron, and Sigma?).
I found the word Eos connected with Greece and Christianity in the Wikipedia:
Eos ("dawn") was, in Greek mythology, the Titan Goddess of the dawn, who rose from her home at the edge of Oceanus, the Ocean that surrounds the world, to herald her brother Helios, the sun. As the dawn goddess, she opened the gates of heaven (with "rosy fingers") so that Helios could ride his chariot across the sky every day. In Homer (Iliad viii.1; xxiv.695), her yellow robe is embroidered or woven with flowers (Odyssey vi:48 etc); rosy-fingered and with golden arms, she is pictured on Attic vases as a supernaturally beautiful woman, crowned with a tiara or diadem and with the large white-feathered wings of a bird. Eos is the iconic original from which Christian angels were imagined, for no images were available from the Hebrew tradition, and the Persian angels were unknown in the West. The worship of the dawn as a goddess is inherited from Indo-European times; Eos is cognate to latin Aurora and to vedic Ushas.
Eos also seems to be the word for ‘them’ in Latin, I think.
When I did a search on Philodorus, I found only a few hits. Here is the only one that makes any sense at all. From “Constantinople in the early eighth century” Cameron and Judith Herrin, (Brill, Leiden 1984).
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From the above-mentioned Iconium comes a statue (stele) of Perseus and Andromeda, who was the daughter of Basiliscus; as the myths and one of the historians say, she was given as a sacrifice to the dragon that lived there. For this was an ancient custom, for a young maiden to be offered to the beast. In accordance with it Andromeda was bound, undeserving of death, and was about to be given to the beast. And the aforementioned Perseus, passing that way, asked the weeping Andromeda why she was bound and lamenting. She told him what had happened. But as he took up his position the beast came up. Turning away and facing backwards, Perseus showed the Gorgon’s head he was carrying in his satchel to the beast, which expired on seeing it. So the city was called Iconium by Philodorus the logistes because Perseus came (ekenai) and saved Andromeda, a bright stroke of luck for the city from the coming of Perseus. The name of the city from its foundation was Doria; then it was called Threnodia, but by (? according to) Philodorus the logistes it was called Iconium from the coming of Perseus. Then the same Perseus was commemorated in a statue (estelothe) with Andromeda above the city gate; many sacrifices took place there by order of Decius (249-51) and Diocletian (284-305) and Maximian, and many saints were martyred there. The statues (stelai) of Perseus and Andromeda came, so we are told, in the reign of Constantius (II, 337-61), after the completion of the church of Antioch, to the bath of Constantinianai.
So, Philodorus the Logistes. I’m guessing that there must have been more than one Greek with that name. A logistes seems to have been a high local magistrate or official. There seem to be quite a few connections in this dream that are Greek and that also relate to Constantinople.
Philodorus is a Greek name, I assume. Statues occur more than once in the dream and when I look up the name Philodorus, I find more references to statues. Also mention of Constantinople which is weird because of the changing of the walls from normal to a Christian appearance just as Constantinople changed from being Byzantium to being the capitol of the Holy Roman Empire.
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And now for the latest poetic effort. Here is...
"Hey, I'm a Universe!"
Where does it come from now
And whose voice is speaking really
It sounds like me, you know
But I do not know these words
The words that come from this keyboard
Have certainly travelled through the
Unsanctioned hole in my mind
What mysteries do they impart to you?
With great fear my outer-ego turns away
And says "I can't hear you, no sound
You don't exist here, no...don't say that
Stop it!...You're not there at all!"
But the inner self knows the truth
And waits for the requested information
It's all good...it's all me and my and mine
I need it at a more vital level
The real me laughs at the mask;
The self that I wear here for you
To obey the rules of this place
I don't know why, it's just a habit
I laugh because I know that you're not real
I'm not real either; we're just acting
We play the roles that we accepted
But I've got news for you my friend
There's a place inside of us that's real
The ego stands guard and holds firm
Guarding itself from whispering voices
From truth that would destroy the barrier
The monster's bashing at the door
It's coming for us, sooner or later
The barrier will fall with a final crash
And the beast will be upon us at last
It will gently send the outer-ego away
For lessons about the real nature of self
It will eat the fear in our hearts, hatred too
And we will meet the real selves that we are
So screw you, and of course, screw me too
We're just shadows of our real selves
But we're on our way to becoming more
I look forward to meeting the greater you
Most of all I am intrigued by the glimpses
I see in the dreamworld, the TrueWorld
I await myself there; I and I laugh together
Do you really know me, or yourself even?
Now do yourself a favor and imagine your Self
Be you as you would like to be as a god
Move into your own Godhood with power
Visit the universe of YOU and laugh out loud
Because it's really funny, you know
7-3-2005
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6-13-2005
I've been studying some CDs which I have acquired. They are on the subject of 'How to channel'. They are very good and so far I have had limited success in assimilating the material. I have a lot of hope for this project. Below are a couple of things that I have written lately.
My Friend Janell
Would you meet me in a familiar dreamworld?
Could we pursue similar desires there?
I wonder if you can give me the solution
To a mystery that I have recently walked into?
Who is the man that does not fit into the dream?
He is intriguingly not a part of the scenery
When I say "Excuse me, I need to be where you are"
He says "Believe me, that will not be a problem"
I tell others that they can call on a Speaker
For guidance in the misty dreamscape in the mind
And yet I am surprised to encounter such a one
Who stands out in color in a black and white scene
He speaks with an accent, old tones in a young body
A friendly voice, with a hint of good humor
As if he knows me well and salutes my essence
Casually, he moves aside and lets the dream proceed
But when I awake, he remains while the dream does not
I feel that he is real and wanders through the symbols
And at last he has greeted me and promised to return
He is as I would be if I lived in the inner realms
"Once a Speaker, always a Speaker", says Seth
Is that the answer, is he an aspect of my Self?
Do I really deserve to have a dream come true?
Is this stuff real, have I finally made it happen?
Well, dream friend, I will search for you tonight
In the fascinating fields of bright self unmapped
But you know the roads better than I do, I think
So find me and we will walk together and talk
The trail is wellworn but the branches are new to me
Do green forests and clear lakes await beyond the hills?
Or maybe the house that holds a thousand rooms inside
And mirrors that reflect the many faces I have worn
5-7-2005
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Thoughts of Luna
A cold white light shines down upon the land
Illuminating the hills and the towns as well
Reflecting from the warm seas and rivers
Revealing secrets in the dark with it's glow
The Man in the Moon sees all below him
The dark nights are not really tranquil
Many pursue their desires with quiet purpose
Not knowing they are seen by the Face above
Only the madmen feel the pressure of his gaze
But none listen to them as they hunch, muttering
Trying to escape to a place where they are safe
To let themselves think thoughts reassuring
The Moon sees the Queen of Self Destruction
Sitting in a haze of emotion in her garden
She's intent on the construction of her toy
Resenting her need for the light of the White Orb
She's given life to a jealous sneering marionette
It resembles her in ways she hadn't planned
Not noticing, she smiles coldly and strokes it
Saying "You're a clever little thing, aren't you?"
She slowly slices her arm with a thin red knife
Life drips onto the toy that holds it's own blade
Powered by pain, they laugh at the Moon
But he has moved on and hears them not at all
A man sits alone by the river and watches the water
He hoists a bottle now and then and waits
Sooner or later the pattern of the moonlight
Must open a gateway to the lands of lost dreams
He's been trying for years to think the magic
That will make his desperate desires real
Not caring that life flows past like the river currents
He creates worlds of beauty but can't reach them
Somewhere in the sparkling rays of moonbeams
Exist haunting lands of everlasting fulfillment
Where a young silver witch discards her blue robe
Arms raised, she tries to breach the wall and fails again
Lovers uncounted arrange to meet in seclusion
Made bold by the bright light of the Moon
They freely give away much of themselves
But gain much more that won't fade with the dawn
The memories last forever and are more real
Than the mundane repetitions of daily tasks
Remembering love shared in the glowing moonlight
Keeps them warm on the coldest lonely night
What does the Moon think as he rides above?
He thinks about the different worlds he circles
The energy of the thoughts of the inhabitants
The flavors of the straight or twisted emotions
On a shrieking world that is only a thought away
Flesh flows and changes form, Human Gods fight
The lesser minds are their victims and playthings
The Moon grazes, harvesting the energy of fear
In another place, he is a rainbow colored face
A psychedelic laughing Avatar of Imagination
He inspires creativity in the minds as he orbits
They feed him with worlds, freshly thought
And here, he's my bright eye in the high sky
I use him to bend my thoughts far outward
Towards the living heart of the body Galactic
Where others like me await my homecoming
5-3-2005
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4-8-2005
Lately I have been studying ancient Australia. It seems that those who write history books are pushing back the dates for human presence in Australia. I have seen dates for some of the rock art set at 60,000 years ago or older.
Not only that but I have also tried to track down stories of historical anomalies, out of place artifacts and such. It seems that, if you believe the evidence that is dug up, all kinds of civilzations have left artifacts in Australia. There are Egyptian artifacts, Chinese, Phoenician, Spanish, South American artifacts; you name it.
Since I don't have a lot of news right now, here is...
"Treasure Hunt"
The gray ignorant man laughs and collects his five dollars
"Haw, haw, haw, I knew they was gonna win" he spews
The sounds in the bar agree with his world view
But not with mine; I am a cat at a dog convention
It was just an impulse that brought me here tonight
To remind me of how the basic segment lives
Sometimes I forget that there are such people
I don't dislike them but they tend to not like me
I've learned not to say that I don't like football or boxing
Because of of the inevitable comments and questions
How do you tell the barbarian king
That you really are not fond of dogfights?
Then there's his cousin, Robert the Homesteader
On his knees in his front yard, with a ruler
Measuring the grass, is it time to get the riding mower out?
Lawn is looking shaggy, neighbor cut his yesterday
The normal segment, the average man and his house
He parks a sensible car and an SUV in the garage
He works at a good job; only twenty more years til he retires
And at night he enters his castle and watches TV until bed
It's good to be a respected member of society today
To be dependable, he does today what he did yesterday
And on and on until he has a heart attack shoveling snow
Whoever dies owning the most stuff, wins the game
You'd think that Robert's intellectual brother would know
What makes the world tick; why did we come here?
A scientist, he spends his time filling out forms
Scrambling for status among peers, trying to gain respect
Occaisonally he has an original thought; it's still possible
He examines it and decides it's not practical; too weird
Where did that come from? It adds to his self-doubt
No wonder his colleagues are more competent, he thinks
He's forgotten that young boy that he was, long ago
Who stared at the stars and wanted to fly to them
Now he knows that they are just balls of gas
Too far away to be useful anyway, too far to think of
Sometimes when I'm asleep, I remember why I'm here
It all makes perfect sense to the sleeper, of course
I remember the thrill of the trip on the way here
And the high spirit of optimism about the excursion
We lived in bodies of pure energy, glowing in shades
Nothing physical there, no gravity to pull us down
Everything was a game to be played, but not seriously
Because that would take away all the fun of playing
We knew about Earth and other places like that too
We could float down and look at the land and the people
But our hands just passed right through matter
We couldn't participate and nobody there could see us
But there was a way to go there; it wasn't easy
We had to become human and take on a human body
Some of us thought this would be a great experience
Like a masquerade and a fun-park rolled into one
We thought ourselves to the vortex that lead to Earth
Friends, we all said "We'll find each other and have great fun!"
"How hard can it be? This will be such a blast!"
We entered the vortex, laughing and trying to be first
We flew down the black hole; a trip to remember
It couldn't hurt us because we weren't made of matter
We made timeless negotiations with other parts of ourselves
And human bodies were waiting for us, made to order
But it didn't work out like we had planned, not at all
We hadn't researched the project; there were rules
We came alive in the bodies of infants who couldn't talk
Some couldn't handle the loneliness and they left their bodies
As we grew, time had meaning; what an bizarre idea!
Everything was slow and heavy and so so drab
A few of us had trouble with time and coudn't relate to others
They were put away in special places and they died young
We hardly ever did get together; it wasn't often possible
I saw a girl that I knew once in a shopping center
She recognized me and smiled and started to walk over
But her mother grabbed her hand and led her away forever
One friend had a problem with feeding his body
He hated the heavy food and the whole idea of eating
His body reflected this attitude and tried to stop working
He went to a hospital and I never saw him again
As I got older, I forgot all about the reason I came here
I went to school, went to work and got married twice
I never really fit in with those who effortlessly live here
And at times I feel a reminder that things were different for me
Once I met a woman who knew me but couldn't remember
I knew her too, but didn't know why there was an attraction
We were very comfortable with each other for some reason
But when reality called, we went our separate ways
Someday this treasure hunt will be over and I'll leave
I'll return to my home and find my friends who left me here
Then I'll have a few things to say to them about our dumb ideas
And I'll float off on a vacation, to create a galaxy or two
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CRETACEOUS ADVENTURES (A dream) 3-26-84 03:30 to 07:15 am
We animate walkers, or they do anyway. I watch and envy them. A spare walker; I demonstrate - see, I can do it but I am slow and awkward.
"That's great kid. First monster that comes along, you'll panic and then be pulled apart. You're easy prey. The Eaters are fast, efficient and majestic."
What are the walkers? They are mechanical dinosaur replicas and battle suits; the only way a human can stay alive in this place.
We travel along the treeline, doing our job (?). Soon we are higher up. We stop to talk with a resident and keeper of monsters. I suggest termination. The keeper is shocked. His monsters are his prizes, rare and endangered.
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Now I rest on the cliffs; I can see most of the island below. There is a disturbance. I witness disaster as the windstorm plays across the land, but I am safe as long as I hold on. I feel superior to those below in the dust cloud. What am I? Some flying thing. Far to the west, a pillar of fire rises into the heavens. I wait for the second, earthborn, shock.....
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Simultaneously, in a related portion of the multiverse, I wait out a similar disturbance on the trunk of my car. I am in front of my parents' house and it is about to get dark. It is very cold and the street is deep in a sea of black ice. I am waiting for others to come and take me away but I am not safe. With the dark will come the monsters and they will make a short meal of me. I will leave a note on the back door of the house and then hide in the car. I am dressed warmly and will not freeze.
My father joins me and my brother too (deceased) - in spirit, barely. We drive around the block, trying to get away. On the way, I discover the cat under the back seat. I dump him out as he is a liability. We end up on the edge of town at an intersection. There is a possiblility of refueling; without gas we won't make it. But monsters are coming. Knowing I am doomed, I torch a gasoline tanker and wait for the whole block to go up. We get a large fire but not death. I fight against the monsters and there is no hope for survival....
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I escape up the other side of the street, on another plane, in another body. I run. But this is only a transition.
Soon, I am (name?, female). I am walking down the street with a friend. It is night time, warm springtime -
(I suddenly remember that I have been reincarnated into the real world. Somewhere across town is an apartment full of my belongings, which I will inherit. The person that I was, is dead. This does not bother me - the body that I have now is as good or better. I am happier.)
- a sense of destinies to fulfill. It is very peaceful; I feel safe here. I look at my friend as we talk; he is in for a big surprize. We stop in at a house on the corner to get supplies. It is a nicely built place. I pet the dog as I wait. We talk and the old man wonders at my strength. I care not; I am [insert name].
Meanwhile, I study inner patterns. There is a space between times where much is written. This is interesting....here is an explanation of the second scene. There was complete destruction of the fifth planet. It may have been a chunk of that world that caused the windstorm and pillar of fire. And worse yet, I think we were saturated with deadly levels of radiation. I considered waking up and almost did - but first I reviewed everything.
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