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1-06-2006
Lately I decided to take God on. But to be sure, I'm actually declaring that I am responsible for my life, and God is not. So much we put on God. Things that are up to us really.
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2-10-2006
I have been feeling the presence of my past self. Way back in 1979, I first started reading the Seth material. At that time I was 20 years old. I had many questions and and lots of energy but few answers. I used to project myself towards the person that I thought I might be in the future, especially in the years after 2000. I thought that that person would surely have the answers that I needed.
In July of 2003, I started feeling the presence of that younger self. I had been feeling old and useless. My life seemed to hold no further surprises and I thought that I was almost done with it. I had no energy for anything and I spent much time lying in bed with my eyes closed, in a light trance state I guess, but not asleep.
I imagined that I was in contact with my younger self and I thought that he was demanding answers. This was interesting, sort of.
In short, I opened up a path for him to access any wisdom that I might have and in return I felt energized by the exchange. I suddenly remembered that I had a source of knowledge that I had nearly forgotten. I purchased a copy of Jane Roberts' "The Nature of Personal Reality" and re-read it. Over the next six months I bought copies of most of her books and read them, some of which I had read before. In February, 2004, I searched the internet for Seth-related items and found Sethnet.
With that discovery, my world opened up. Unlike my previous experience with the Seth material, I now had others to communicate with. This made all the difference. After a year in the group, for some reason, they decided that I should be a moderator in the group; I consider it to be an honor and I give it my best.
I feel the younger 'me' around me quite a bit now. I call him "The Wizard" because he was always looking for a way to magically create his own world. I tune in to him at times and write some things. I will include a few of them here now ---->
"Dancing Into the Future"
Past, present, future, and other, compressed into a singularity of
Now; shall we organize these moments according to a different type
of significance? Why not?
Looking over my shoulder, I wonder at the date on the calendar.
It's 2006; shouldn't there be a jetcar in my driveway?
Snow flies across my field of view. I am reminded of a place where
I had to crawl deep to avoid the radiation carried by the dull gray
snowflakes even while I was wishing for a White Christmas. Another
time, I stand outside in the blizzard as the white wind sucks the
air from my lungs and I feel a wild dangerous exhilaration – the
spirits of air and water lend energy to me and I remember that those
whom the Gods wish to destroy, they first make reckless so I return
to the shelter and sit behind the fire at the entrance.
My proud insistent original pattern self demands that I show some
evidence of progress made in 25 long years. I delay him by
suggesting that he browse through the data accumulated in that time
period and I wonder. I tell him that it takes time, cursed time, to
develop the blessed tools; tools that are actually hard won parts of
self.
"Listen to me, you that I know so well. Your presence here and now
reminds me of much that I should not have forgotten. How did I
forget the urgency of young blood searching with blazing eye,
shouting out to the unformed and not-yet-chosen future, trying to
form the best pattern from the few elements visible to that bright
but untrained eye?
"I am you are me aching to become. Don't give up the energy in your
frustration. With your energy and my imagination we can change our
shared past to create new roads leading through the dawn mist to the
fantastic worlds that we dream of together. We'll meet with other
unknown selves in the limitless starlit realms of Self! Laugh with
me now and feel the power that very few remember. Know that you are
not alone; you stand with uncountable other versions of self, along
with your friends and family and lovers too. Experience this… how
could you ever think the world cold and without choice?"
I say this because the words come through me to give to that earlier
self but I wonder if I my present self can find the energy and
determination to avoid being a hypocrite and from a field unseen but
only sensed I hear a voice say "That's right, well loved hypocrite.
Do you think that you only advise? I've been where you are and I've
got a few suggestions that will initiate an exciting process in your
very being. You ain't dead yet. Get ready to make a list…"
Our Best wishes,
Don 2-5-2006
"Riding the Wave"
Glorious tones greet me tonight
Life-affirming echoes from the past
A communication from an energetic self
Notes that lift me up on a wave of feeling
The Wizard is coming through very well
He thinks he's calling for my help
But the carrier wave has the raw power
That I had forgotten about in my senility
At one time I dreamed of cities of light
And hoped to find myself there
I pictured myself riding on the waves of thought
I looked for the wisdom that would help
Now I've got the wisdom in my mind
But I lost the energy along the way
Don't tell the questing youth about it
Maybe I can point him in a different way
Elemental forces to call upon at will
Take a turn just over here, my son
Study the runes and ignore all else
And don't give in, don't settle for less
Direct your gaze towards the sky
See your own eye looking back at you
Set your course for the final frontier
There's an innerverse awaiting your arrival
I'll sit here and dream of your successes
Maybe I'll even write about your adventures
But one day I'll settle my affairs here in this body
And I'll follow you through that inviting door
Don 1-08-2006
"It's Been a While"
It's coming in clearly now, your transmission
I had only to listen to the right channel
Twenty five years ago, in another world
A young man sent his thoughts to the future
Hoping that he would find great wisdom
He waited for results but didn't recognize them
And he plodded on in the usual manner
At times he wondered about himself
Where did he get these characteristics
Wise beyond his years, he felt alone
He didn't know that his call had been received
His wisdom came from his smiling future self
Years passed; many events but no progress
The gift colored his every day and night
But he thought that it had always been his
So he gave in and lived as best he could
Not knowing that he stood out like a daystar
Pursuing holy crusades took some time
It took more time to recover from them
With another, he brought in a new dream child
And spent more years in the raising of same
Time passed in the way that time passes
Extreme dissatisfaction caused an impaction
Where, in those days, was his gratification?
Long lost seeds demanded their time of growth
But it was always the last cold days of winter
Where were the warm days filled with promise?
Timeheld strands weave together at last
Crisis is reached and in the fog in his mind
He receives the urgent call from the past
The fly on the wall hears the sound of laughter
And wonders at the energy released
Oh, the joke, surely it's the best I've heard
I thought I was contacting the future me
But it all is so very funny, don't you see
I sent more than just a few desperate thoughts
Dying persona... reborn with seeds... from the past!
Putting it all together is a bit of a chore
Did it really happen that way at all?
But there's no doubt about who you see now
It's the Wizard Who Didn't Know His Power
He traveled into the future and walks with you all
We'll see what he can come up with here
If he can just toss off the old habits that remain
That'll take some work and energy
The old man died happily but left his wisdom
And the young Wizard looks about him, with bright eyes
Saluta ben melota bie griez, mor tallure vradez.....
Don? 11-14-2005 At last!
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5-7-2006
Springtime has arrived. For a couple of months, I have been feeling the memories of other springtimes and I thought that something unusual was about to happen. It didn't, unless the results have not yet been seen.
I've been pursuing the muse as if she were a real person. That might have come to an end. Here are some things I have written on the subject of the pursuit. I see that I may be working on a new work because of all of the Belravaen poems.
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Worlds Away
Feeling the approach of spring this year, I couldn't help but notice that this year is very different from recent years. I have recognized elements of feeling-tones from many previous springtimes and have welcomed their presence as I would greet old friends.
Worlds away, but as near as thoughts that I had had in days that were almost lost; now they hover around my mind, hinting and reminding me of selves that I was in other seasons of my self.
These selves remind me of the obligation that I have, the promise that I made; that I would find meaning in this life and I now know that I must accomodate these other me's.
The sheer power of my past selves aching for meaning and expression awakens parts of Self that have been slumbering for years ~ do I dare allow this to happen?
Crossroads everywhere are starting to appear as the mist slowly fades - and I thought I was traveling a straight road into age and death. Can I keep to the straight path or will I be lost turning off onto one of the intriguing paths that leads away into the beckoning landscapes that are evident now?
I'm sorry friends, but it is all about me today. And me, and ME, and ~me~, and #me#, and *me*, and you name it what you like but you have your own roads to travel as well and we meet here in this place to exchange tales and to share tips and will we ever really know each other when we are still lightyears away from ever knowing the selves that we are, let alone the selves that we plan to become?
The Wizard in the still-living past demands knowledge from me-the-future and I draw power from the sentient universe we call ATI as I try to steer him towards those areas of reality that will help him best.
Feeling tones, the spiral of seasons, lost worlds found again, promises written in the Self, Selves beyond number, networks of roads that lead to uncountable worlds beyond imagination, the Worlds of You, and the suppressed emotions of all of my past selves - believe it or not, I keep it all straight but am a bit pressed for time... Time... TIME...
Say it matters to you, say that you love me even though you barely know me, say that you will stand beside me through cycles of lifetimes as we explore the limitless freaking universe that we have created, say that you will always be there when I want to share new experiences - worlds away (worlds I explore when you allow) and still close enough to feel your presence always...
As I always knew it would be - April 14, 2006
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Re-inventing Me
Tonight I dream in a place that is close to Belravaen
Close, not in terms of miles, but in terms of significance
The self that I am has a fondness for this place
And tonight I am here to think of how I know you
I would not know how to begin to describe to you
The literally infinite realm that I explore in my Self
The dream world contains all that I am, and more
All that I can become exists here as well
I have said a few things and hinted at more
For some reason, I don’t think you see it right
Seen in terms of what you know, what else could it be?
Yet, nobody knows me, and that is the problem
Some of us seem to lead small unimportant lives
But, in the much more important dream world
From which our physical existence springs
We are teachers, explorers, and artists, painting in Self
Right now I am listening to music that is part of me
On the day that you were born in this world
I was listening to this music in my own wild past
It, and you, are beloved parts of my experience
From the scary, temporary, Temple of Syrinx
I greet you as the Wizard that I was then
What an idealistic, foolish, urgently demanding fool
I had it all on the right track but didn’t know it!
If I could change the mistakes that I made after that
I would never have met you in this world
And so, it has all been worth it, as you can see
Having found treasures, I need to get back on the path
What treasures and what path and which me?
I speak of fools but I am now the greatest of fools
I betrayed my own Self and was not loyal to Self
Indeed, what greater stupidity is there?
The wizard looked to the future, hoping for wisdom
He found me, and his energy of bright life
Pulled me out of the dark place in which I lived
Tangled in the details and regrets of my failed life
I look to that past Self and feel love and awe
Naive he was but also honest, bold, and lovable
I honor the promise we made in the still living past
We have merged and become one, as it should be
You look at me and you think you know me
Why not, is that not the way that things are done?
Oh no, there is more to life than meets even your eyes
How can I blame you for thinking that you see me?
I am the explorer of worlds that nobody remembers
I shift and change my Self according to my whims
I stand in opened doors that you may have forgotten
When you woke up and dressed yourself in today’s You
I possess powers that no god has and so do you
We came here for a reason and forgot all of that
Tell me, would it ruin everything we are working on
If we remembered the reality behind the game we play here?
Lately I have been dreaming in the comforting places
That my family shares with me in the infinite realm
I feel the peace and love and I rest here, saving energy
I know where I come from and my clan supports me
I am energized and renewed, in touch with my roots
And I begin to look outward for new challenges
Of all of the friends that I have known in my lives
Who will be there to share this grand new adventure?
There’s more to this than meets the eye
There’s more to this than reaches the mind
There’s more to this than touches the body
Who knows, and who will share the real world with me?
Its 4-29-2006, you precious fool!
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World's Away, Still
The process of darkness falling - Twilight
A thing of substance, not just lack
More than the absence of revealing light
As the daylit world withdraws from sight
Tonight I sit alone on the edge of the field
Feeling the world soften and grow still
Aspects of the world emerge, revealed
Sights and sounds daylight had concealed
I soak it in quietly as I see the Sungod's influence fade away into the West. The clear darklight realm ruled by Night is on its way but will take a while to materialize. In between, I experience that fleeting halfworld we call Twilight. A curious phase with soft edges; when does it start and when does it end?
From where I sit, I can hear traffic moving on the interstate, the movement of people. With a sad thought, I wonder where they are going; what distant destination they are traveling towards. That sadness pervades my being as I wait for the Twilight Fairy to show up.
She travels in the spaces between places
Hardly ever seen by mortal eyes
She walks unseen by mundane races
Her feet upon the ground leave no traces
Gray she appears in this world of ours
Because here, the colors do not translate
In her home world, she has powers
She outshines rainbows and the flowers
I sense the presence of others who wait like I do. Somewhere, another being looks upon the crescent moon setting behind the sun. Her work is done and she sits behind the barn, becoming a part of the sunset as I do. A train sounds its horn mournfully to add feeling to the scene. Does she wait for the Twilight Fairy as well? I feel that she waits without knowing what she is waiting for but her need is no less than mine.
Does she feel, as I do, the presence of another, who sits on the pier watching the sun disappear into the ocean? Orange tinted waves break softly upon the beach and the birds cry out greetings to the opened portal in the West as it awaits any who can reach it. But my friend, so far away, doesn't know how to enter it though he yearns to do so with all of his heart. The sounds of the nearby port are magnified in the magical air of the twilight and he wonders why he has to encounter another tomorrow in this world.
I have met them many times in my dreams
We have explored worlds more interesting
Together we've walked alongside living streams
In which we saw, reflected, shimmering moonbeams
I know that in beloved Belravaen, we'll meet
In the place where dreams are made real
There near a house that sits by the Low Street
Round a fire by the woods, we'll rest our feet
All roads now lead to Belravaen, and the Queen of the Twilight Gate will someday appear to greet me and lead me to the opened door between the worlds. I could choose to follow her to her own realm of faery; normally I would not be able to resist.
But I can not be sure that you exist in that place. You obviously have aspects that are not quite human but I'll take no chances this time. Only in the place I think towards can I be sure that we will meet for certain.
Paths to Halfworlds found in the halflight
When will the guardian of the gate arrive?
I've halfway become your shining knight
When we meet again will the sky ignite?
Don't be shocked by the schemes that I concoct
I'm finally on the right road to find you
Many other times, in other worlds I've been blocked
Now, I won't be mocked; the doors will be unlocked
Will the Lady of the Dusk reveal the shimmering gate?
I've become half-crocked, in the halflight, while I wait
Fear, loneliness, weariness, and the bitter self-hate
Have left me and I'm free of the dragging weight
With a wink and a half-smile, Best wishes,
5-6-2006
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11-8-2006
So... it's been a while and my world has changed a lot recently. In a very real sense it is a different me that you encounter now.
I have a new home to fill with my own thoughts, plans, furnishings, etc. It is becoming an extension of myself and a canvas for my creations. I am working on decor for each room that will be bold and interesting. I have 3 bedrooms here. My daughter has one, I have one that is also my office and there is a spare bedroom. I have torn the spare room apart and am in the process of making it nice. It looks like hell right now but it will settle into the form I have envisioned for it.
The Egyptians were very much concerned with the afterlife and with the dream world as well. We will see if this motif will invoke the assistance of the Egyptian gods in my dream explorations.
I will soon find a way to post pictures of my progress on this site. Until then, you can find some of these pictures at: http://www.newworldview.com/photos/don_johnson/default.aspx . I think this link will work whether you are a NewWorldView member or not. If it does not work, join!
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